Unconditional Self Compassion

“I want to be loved”. “I want you to love me”. “I want you to make me happy …”

The vast majority of people want to enjoy a loving, intimate relationship. But equally, we all know how challenging that can be to achieve.

A great myth of our age is that a romantic partner will make us happy. However, and the divorce rate testifies to this, the myth is false. No one makes anyone else happy, or sad.

The reality is that two people can share the natural joy of living awake in this present moment. This joy lives as the Heart, the very centre of who we are. Relationship can then be a sharing of mutual joy with no need to look to our beloved to make us happy.

Unfortunately, what passes for relationship in the world is often only one person trying to get something from another person – effectively a commercial transaction. It is based on the false notion of separation.

Most people are only subliminally aware of what is happening because the core contraction that gives rise to the feeling of separation is buried in our deep mind. It is this contraction that blocks authentic intimacy and Conscious Love.

To make up for our loss of true intimacy most people create an illusory feeling of safety and security based on external factors such as social status, accumulating money and possessions, being “Liked” on Facebook … and so on. But these feelings of safety and security, along with feelings of being in control and being approved of, come at the expensive of our happiness. It’s a high price to pay.

Fortunately the solution is simple: first love yourself and unveil the joy living in your Heart. Then allow the natural consequences of this joy to unfold spontaneously in your relationship.

How to find that joy? Simply release from your mind all that is not joyful. This may not sound that easy at first but with a willing Heart, and the aid of an experienced guide, it is completely possible.

I cannot emphasise this enough, before you can expect to be loved by another, or to freely love another unconditionally, you must learn to love yourself first.


Then, from a secure foundation of self-love (aka mindful self-compassion, kindness and gratitude) you’ll able to put aside your own needs and wilingly serve your beloved from a spirit of unconditional love.

You will come to know a delicious silence of the Heart – a deep silence that is warm, peaceful and manifests as a feeling of being joyfully alive.

Love yourSelf first – then share your love with others


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May you enjoy increasing clarity, calm and abundant well-being,


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