All negative emotions arise from a prior thought whose origins lay somewhere back in our past. But trying to “think our way out” of these powerful emotions never works.
So instead of thinking, one of the most effective, albeit paradoxical, ways to release these feelings is to feel the feelings fully and completely.
This requires you to be as fully conscious in the here and now as you can, witnessing the emotions as they arise in present moment reality.
This simple, yet highly effective, process is best understood through the analogy of driving a car around a corner in slippery conditions.
As the car begins to skid, most people’s knee-jerk reaction is to turn the steering wheel away from the direction of the skid. But this will result in the driver losing control over the vehicle.
What actually works is counter-intuitive – to turn into the direction of the skid. This results in the driver regaining control of the vehicle. And once they have control again he or she can safely point the vehicle where they want it to go.
Leave the pain of the past, in the past
Every negative emotion, whether that be anger, apathy, grief, guilt, lust, shame, loneliness, sadness, jealousy, hatred or fear has a story. And if we allow them to, those stories can rule our lives.
For example, when you feel anger there will be memories of past instances when you felt angry. There will be judgements about the person or situation you feel angry about. There will be beliefs about what should or should not be happening, and what other people should or should not be doing.
You may recognise this drama from the many soap operas that dominate television. This kind of story has no ending for many, many people.
The truth is that until you choose freedom from your soap opera “surface story”, instead of enslaving yourself to it, you will never be able to feel true intimacy.
This is simply reality.
Releasing the sadness of anger
Anger is a relatively surface emotion, designed to distract us from feeling a deeper sadness, often created during the early years of childhood.
Fortunately, it is possible to safely release the stuck energy around the causative event without going back into the past to re-experience it. After all, my guess is that experiencing that event once was more than enough … and you really don’t want to go there again.
Learning to feel and release the emotional energy associated with earlier events – from the safety and security of this present moment – is the essence of emotional healing.
The causes of emotional pain
- Relationships where there was a lack of love, appreciation, touch, inclusion, conversation, compassion, kindness, gratitude, and so on …
- An inappropriate sexual relationship.
- Severe physical accidents.
- Witnessing tragedy in others, eg in a war.
- Events from previous lives, from which the pain patterns have been brought forward into this life.
- And so on …
Your deep mind, often called the “subconscious”, stores information about everything you’ve ever experienced. But it has no verbal language with which to converse with you. Instead it communicates through a subtle feeling sense experienced in your body.
You may already know this feeling as “gut instinct” or intuition.
The feeling sense is the way your body tells its “deep story“. By learning to listen to your body’s deep story, you’ll be able to safely release all previously suppressed emotional energy.
By allowing the emotions of your deep story to safely release, you will be able to live free from the past – in this present moment.
And you’ll be able to enjoy a quality of intimate relationship, which many, if not most, people only dream to be possible.
We cannot change the past
Of course none of us can change what actually happened in the past. What happened, happened, and there’s nothing you or I can do about it.
The good news is that you can choose to feel and release the emotional energy associated with those past events. Releasing becomes possible when you simply witness the past from the clear light of present moment awareness.
By releasing the energy charge from your memories you set yourself free from the past.
Of course you’ll always have your memories – I’m not talking about a frontal lobotomy here – but you don’t have to live with the pain of those memories.
By choosing freedom – in the way I describe in my book Break Out of Your Mind – you can enjoy the bliss of unconditional Love.
And it is this Love that makes the dream of a deeply fulfilling and emotionally intimate relationship possible.
Your future is your choice
“The last session was fantastic! Answered so much and has given me the know-how for any situation that may arise. Your detailed explanation of awareness and how to allow whatever comes up is invaluable! I’ve started to be aware of things in a much more relaxed manner and I’m finding there are far fewer questions arising as a result. All in all, things are good. It’s so beautiful noticing there is never any tension in awareness, it just is – instantly whatever was concerning me seems like nothing!” Alys